losing grip

These days, it feels like I’m losing my grip. Sometimes I don’t see her until night time, bed time, just enough time to say goodnight. In the mornings, she’s got zero period, so she’s out the door before sometimes I’m out of bed. Her math topics are starting to get away from me… I remember quadratics, but ask me to do that now, I have to do research. I know my history, world and US, enough so that I can always provide her with more context. But her English class is asking her to read books that I don’t remember if I ever read them. Did I read <em>Night</em> by Elie Wiesel? Maybe not…<br />n<br />nWhen it comes to her music, forget it. She left both me and her mama in the dust years ago. Her mom and I never studied music, never really picked up an instrument. But this is where it seems that she’s going. Certificate of Merit on the piano. Playing Carnegie Hall in NY earlier this month. She has her own flute students, and she’s making real money teaching.<br />n<br />nThis is what it feels like to start losing your grip on that little baby girl you held so close and threw around so easily. That had such a hard time reading three pages of Dick and Jane on the floor of her room. The loosening of the grip is just so barely evident now. I really have to be conscious to feel it, it happens so slowly. But I want to experience it, I want to realize when it’s happening. Because I don’t want to wonder, some day, She’s gone… when and how did that happen. It’s happening… Right. Now. Embrace it.